Hello!
So if you remember me starting my blogging journey in June 2020, then you're probably wondering where I've been? If I'm completely honest I think I just became lazy. I had so many ideas and good intentions for my website and blog but got overwhelmed and gave in too quickly. But I'm back now and will hopefully stay for longer :)
My last blog was about a hospital admission I had in June 2020, since then I have moved into my own flat, FINALLY came out of shielding and went home to see my family, went on a family holiday and started a college course.
So much has happened in the world this year too but I struggled to listen to the news whilst I was shielding alone for 6 months so I stopped listening, watching, or reading it and haven't yet got back into the daily news about the UK, or the rest of the world. I've heard bits and pieces (some are hard to miss...Trump...) but as much as I'd like to speak out and spread awareness on the many, many topics of conversation that have appeared in the news this year, I'm afraid I'm just not informed enough.
I hope to become more aware again and if I feel it is necessary and needs awareness then I will speak out about it.
So I think I'm going to treat this blog post as a bit of a diary entry and a catch up from the past few months of my life. I will then try and come up with more blog topics and organise myself to post more often! Any topics you wish to read about please let me know via the contact page or an instagram message.
End of June: I moved out of the shared flat I had with an old school friend and into a flat on my own, I wasn't able to view the flat before signing the contract and I only managed to get it 2 weeks before moving out, it was a stressful time - especially as I was still in shielding. But thankfully I had luck on my side and it is lovely! Probably one of the nicest places I've lived since leaving home. It is very much chock-a-block full of my stuff and makes me realise I own too much! However, the wardrobe is massive and somehow that encourages me to buy more clothes..oops.
In August: Shielding finally lifted and on my first day of freedom I went straight to the salon (of course, I was getting close to cutting my own hair...) and had the works, had my hair washed, cut, dried and styled, my eyebrows were waxed and tinted and my gel extensions were back. I felt like a new woman. The following day I drove home. I knew my mum and sister would be at work for another few hours when I arrived so I decided I'd park up and go cuddle my cats. As I walked down my garden path my mum came out of the house. I hadn't seen her in 6 months. I dropped everything I was holding and ran to her, we hugged and cried for a while, it was the best feeling. My sister finished work a few hours later and I hugged her so tight, we've had our ups and downs over the years but I had missed her a lot and was so happy to be home with her, my mum and of course my cats Tabi and Berni :)
Whilst I was home I attempted to see my friends and return to some form of normality, it was very strange, and I was more anxious about going in to a shop or to the beach or well, anywhere really, than I had ever been in my life. Thankfully, I had my family there to help me through my transition back into reality. It was lovely to be home for the first time this year. My mental health has taken a hit this year (as I'm sure many people's has) and being with my family and friends, although overwhelming at first, was much needed.
September: A few days after I returned to my little flat I went on a family holiday to Rhodes, Greece. The holiday had been booked in January, and as the flights were still going ahead, if we had decided not to go we wouldn't have gotten our money back. I received quite a lot of negative comments and indirect stories on instagram about me choosing to go on my holiday even though I'm am in the high risk category because of my CF. There are many decisions involved in going on a holiday in 2020, and it wasn't a decision my family and I took lightly. | spoke to my CF team and they agreed I could go. The risk was minimal. I travelled to the airport in London with my family, who were my 'bubble', the airport itself was not busy due to the lack of people choosing to travel in the current circumstances and everyone was to wear a mask, use hand sanitiser and stay 2m away from anyone not in their 'bubble'. The flight itself was a full plane, however | sat by the window so had my two family members protecting me and everyone had to wear a mask for the full length of the flight. The airport in Rhodes was also very safe and back in January when we booked the holiday we booked a private transfer so it was just the 4 of us in a taxi and the driver also had a mask on. The hotel itself was fully booked, all the staff wore face masks or shields at all times, and if you were going into shops you also had to wear a face mask. Around the hotel itself guests were not required to wear face coverings, | only did when I knew we would be closer to people; such as at an entertainment night, but even then we kept our distance. It was refreshing to not be so on edge, Covid-19 hasn't, touch wood, really been to Rhodes and so the risk in the country was minimal and far less than it would've been for me in Wales or England.
Another reason we chose to go on the holiday was for our mental health, I've already mentioned that mine has taken a hit this year and the summer of 2019 was rough for my family as we had 3 funerals to attend; I'm not going 2to go into more detail about this right now. I'm fully aware you cannot use mental health as an excuse to mess about with the government guidelines but your mental health is as important as your physical health. My mum and sister have worked right through this year, they don't work for the emergency services but they have one of those jobs that have to keep going even if most of the general public (and government) don't recognise it. It was a stressful time, being busy than ever and expected to do more work in less time for the same money. Everyone needs a break and we thought the pros outweighed the cons.
(Another example of weighing out the pros and cons relating to my own health: Back in November 2017 I had pneumonia, I was very poorly and my CF doctor told me I needed to be admitted as my lung function was only at 25%. I was told this on the Monday and I refused to go in to hospital until the Wednesday. You may be thinking 'that's stupid' and you're right it may not have been the best decision I've ever made but I had my reasons. My uni mates and I had tickets to see Scouting for Girls on the Tuesday night, I love the band and know all the lyrics to all the songs, | wasn't going to miss that. It would be a great night and something to remember for the rest of my life, and especially the following two weeks I would have to spend in hospital. I still to this day think it was a great decision, it helped keep my spirits up when I was very low and it was also probably one of the best concerts I've ever been too. Even if I did scare the hell out of my mates, bless them for trying to look after a stubborn and reckless Louise!)
Yes you have to be safe in life but you also need to remember to live your life, it doesn't wait around for you, time passes and you have to make the most of it.
(I don't mean you have to be productive and amazing everyday, you also need rest days and days where you binge watch Netlfix in bed!).
The final main point of the past few months for me is my college course. It's easy for me to say now, although it was hard at the time, but after leaving University I was lost. I knew I didn't want to go to Uni again, I loved the social side and would never change all the wonderful friends and memories I've made, but I hated the course, the lifestyle, it just wasn't for me. I always had a certain amount of academia about me, I enjoyed learning, in fact I still do. I just lacked all concentration. I tried a few different online courses but I would get bored very easily, and when I try and work at home, I end up becoming distracted - I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this since working at home has become a thing this year! It's just so easy to procrastinate, "Oh I'll just make a cuppa", or "I may as well put that wash on" or "Might as well start prepping dinner...(at 3pm)", you can always find something else to do when you have something that NEEDS to be done. Back in March of this year (before lockdown began), I was scrolling through a college website looking for part time courses (| chose part time not full time as it means I can keep up with the good routine I've gotten into with my medicines and exercise), I came across a course for Nail Technology and before I knew it, I had sent off my application.
I was never into make up or doing my hair as a kid/teenager, I just wasn't very good to be honest and didn't have the patience to practice! But I've always loved getting my nails done, so I thought I'd give it a go. If I truly hated it I could drop out and it wouldn't be the end of the world; it would also give me the chance to meet new people and build up my confidence. A lot of my friends have moved away and although we keep in touch and | love them dearly, it would be nice to have people closer to me to do things like have coffees or go to the cinema; obviously this won't be happening anytime soon anyway!
So in October 2020, I was enrolled and began my Nail Technician course, it has been 8 weeks now, and I can honestly say that I'm loving it!! It's taken a long time, but I think I've finally found something that I enjoy and that I can become fairly good at (probably not amazing, we haven't even started the nail art yet! But good enough.). My new friend and I passed our first assessments last week, and it's nice to have met someone who I can call a friend. All the girls on the course are so lovely, including my tutor, but you spend a lot of time chatting with just one person whilst you do their nails and they do yours!
This year has seen a lot, it hasn't been easy for anyone. So much tragedy in one year and if I started talking about it I would never stop. My thoughts go out to all of you, every single person has been affected someway or another this year and it's not been easy. For someone who suffers with depression anyway I know the downs can be bad, all I try and do is think that one day it will be better again, even if just because you have a chocolate bar or laugh at a meme. It is a daily struggle and that's how | try and view it.
If you're struggling then just try and do one thing each day, if that one thing is getting out of bed and getting dressed, or getting a tub of ice cream from the corner shop or just texting with someone you haven't spoken to in a while, that's all good. And if it's a really blue day and all you can do is watch Netflix in bed, that's allowed too. Life isn't easy but you can do it, if you don't believe in yourself, just know that I believe in you.
That is all I have for this blog post but as I said, let me know if you want to hear about anything in particular, CF related or not, I don't mind! And I shall try to post more regularly :)
Stay safe and be kind xoxo
Comentários