TRIGGER WARNING: I talk about the side effects I had from my Covid vaccine, they weren't pretty but I wouldn't change the fact that I had the vaccine, please skip over that part if you don't wish to read it; I've bookended it with '!!!' .
I don't know about you but I'm feeling anxious, if you are feeling this way too don't worry it's very normal. I've been shielding on my own on and off for a year now (more on's than off's sadly) and although I'll be thrilled when life returns to some new form of 'normality', I'm also scared and worried. Getting used to a big change is always hard, the change from normal life to lockdown life took everyone by surprise, and the change from lockdown back to normality will take some getting used to to.
I don't know how much other people have been able or felt comfortable enough to do but I haven't even been in the supermarket for the best part of a year (I visited a couple times when the lockdown rules were relaxed but not since I've been strictly shielding again). It'll be strange for me to be around anyone let alone a lot of people in the shops. I went into town when lockdown rules were relaxed and I have never felt more uncomfortable or nervous in my life; and I've had 2 operations!
I know the majority of people are wearing masks, sanitising their hands and keeping 2 metres apart but the next time I am able to go to the shops all these rules aren't necessarily going to be in place, with more and more people deciding they don't need to do any of these things. I'm pleased for everyone who feels comfortable enough to be relaxed and not worry too much about their health but I know first hand what it's like to be seriously ill and I worry daily about this happening let alone since the pandemic has happened and I'm now even more vulnerable.
I know people are affected differently and now the vaccine is being distributed more and more people should be and will hopefully feel safer. But the vaccine doesn't prevent you getting ill, it means that should you get the virus you have a better chance at beating it and not becoming seriously ill. The vaccine also doesn't mean you can't carry the virus, so although you may not become seriously ill or ill at all, you could still pass it on to someone who could, like for example me.
!!! I've fortunately had my first dose of the covid vaccine with my second one less than 2 weeks away now. The vaccine 'mimics' the virus (but does not contain the virus in it), allowing your body to create antibodies but without you actually getting unwell from the virus; so if you do get the virus you already have antibodies that can attack it. Most people I know who have had the vaccine have been fine, having had minor side effects such as a sore arm, headaches, or feeling tired. For me the story was a little different. It didn't help that my period came the same day that I had my first Covid vaccine, I was fine on the day but by the evening I had a migraine; which lasted a whole week. That night I had a fever and barely slept, by the morning I was also having cramps due to my period. I sat up in my bed and felt very dizzy, I managed to crawl to the bathroom but the light hurt my eyes so I stayed in the dark. Once I'd made it on to the toilet I started to feel nauseous, I hate being sick so I just kept telling myself I'll be fine and back in bed in no time. The next thing I knew I was waking up. I'd passed out on the toilet (I'll pause whilst you have a laugh, I'll admit it's a very funny thought), it was a strange feeling given I've never passed out before, I managed to crawl back into bed but I'd hit my head on the top of the toilet and had a massive lump on the back of my head. Thankfully I didn't get any worse but it took a whole week before I felt any better, I barely ate any food (shout out to my gals who sent me Nando's!) and didn't move from my bed properly for days. I only took 2 tablets out of the 20+ medicines I do a day for most of the week so even though I was feeling better in my head, my chest was feeling worse and I had lost weight (not a good thing for me). It was scary and I live alone so my family and friends were worried about me.
The only good thing I can pull from this traumatic event is that I'm glad I had the vaccine, if I hadn't had it and got ill with Covid I could've been much worse, with the vaccine, if I do get covid at least I'll have a fighting chance at beating it. !!!
Being anxious makes it harder to look forward to everything reopening, shops, restaurants, clubs, it all sounds exciting, but it also sounds scary. I will be taking my time to integrate myself back into society. I'm sure I won't be the only one who's feeling this way so please be respectful when you start to see people again and when you're out and about keep your distance unless told otherwise and think about protecting each other.
Having said all of this, I'm very excited to see my boyfriend, my friends and my family again, to be able to go back into college and see my classmates and to see all the retail staff when I feel ready to go back into shops and restaurants. I miss the feeling of getting ready to go out, whether that is to the cinema, to a restaurant or bar or to a club; or to be honest even just to the beach or park with some friends. My boyfriend and I met during 2020 so haven't been able to go to a restaurant or a bar for food and drinks, go dancing in a club or see each other get mad at losing mini golf! It's all going to be very exciting, I wonder what we're all going to do first? :)
Everyone has been through a lot in the past year and a half and everyone deserves to enjoy life with a vaccine and no lockdown rules, free to roam about the town, the beach or wherever you want to be and not worry about when you might next see your loved ones.
EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY. Read that again.
That means that you need to respect people, if your in a line, stay back, if someone is too close to you, politely ask them to move away, if your friend isn't ready to go to a bar or club suggest something else. Be happy to be around the people you have missed.
My birthday is late June and if all goes according to plan the clubs may have reopened by then, that is great news, however I don't think I'll be feeling up to going. I'm not a huge fan of crowds as it is and I'm sure they'll be busier than ever when they do reopen. I've already mentioned this to my loved ones and if they want to spend time with me then I'll happily do something else, maybe stay at home or go for a BBQ in the park or on the beach; I'll just be happy to be spending time with people in person as opposed to over Zoom. That being said I might feel comfortable going to the club, you never know, but if my friends don't feel comfortable then we won't go, being around them is more important to me than where we are.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a list of things to do when rules are lifted, I'd like to travel the UK a bit, not only because I haven't really done so before, and there are so many beautiful and interesting places to visit, but also because my friends are now all over the country and it would be nice to see them and catch up. Many have their own places but haven't been able to have people over so it'll be fun to visit them; plus my car has been sat still for so long it might actually be stuck in place!
However you're feeling and whatever your plans are for when lockdown ends, looks after yourself, your physical health and your mental health. Both are important and both will be in shock after so long inside. And look after each other too, be respectful, be kind and be happy.
You've made it to the other side and things are hopefully looking up! xoxo
Comments